The Obituary of Mr Klanesnikov

Mr Klaneshnikov, affectionately known as Yorg Benedict Rooney Uliable (Mr K for short) was a very hard working nasal parasite as far as nasal parasites go. He worked up the nose of Ian (who was a poor potato farmer from South Andorra and who has a song dedicated to him by Tom Wong).It is well known that Ian snorted potato for a hobby. On one single day he could snort 4 sacks of potatos for charity(and raise nearly 2 yen). Mr Klaneshnikov would filter the potato from the Mud so that his master, The poor potato farmer from Andorra could get the correct diatomic diet he needed to live on. The diet was of potato.

Mr Klaneshnikov did the same work for 38 years until he was finally sneezed out on the 18 of March 1999 at the first potato snorting competition of the season. Ian,who was on his 7th Potato sack got a piece of potato stuck in his left nostrel, causing him to sneeze violently. Mr Klaneshnikov lost his grip on Ians longest nasal hair. He came flying out hanging onto a piece of potato rind.

Before he hit the ground he said a quick prayer to Gandi that the story about being reincarnated as a flea if you were squashed by a potato was true and then he finally died. Ian was very upset; not because Mr Klaneshnikov died, but because his sneeze cost him the potato snorting competition.

(Please note that Ian holds the record for the most amount of wins for potato snorting in a season. In the 1994 season he won all of his games with the help of Mr Klaensehnikov)

Mr Klaneshnikov was born on the 29th November in the Third Liturgical Year of Sloughton the Great, Butcher of the Heathens and converter of the Nomads into Sloughtonites.

He was born of the nasal parasite known as Clive (a transvestite) at three in the morning. It has to be mentioned that Clive got around a bit if you know what I mean.

During his early years he learnt quickly to filter potato from Mud to get Ian on a high. Ian is one of those strange people who gets high on potato and lard. When he snorts potato it is like someone has just told him he has won 40 Yen and then injected speed into his arse.

Once he was an experianced Mud Filterer, his reputation grew. He was once offered a job up the nose of the infamous Lein Mabrah, but he was not a potato snorter, but an Onion snorter. Unfortunately Onions make Mr K sneeze himself and I can tell you that you don't want to see a nasal parasite sneeze. The effect is overwhelming. Imagine all the perticles in your brain being pushed out of the back of your skull at twice the speed of light with the force of a pig in labour. OUCH.

So anyway Mr k stayed faithful to Ian for 38 yearswhich won him the Limp Cross for service which was presented to him by Sloughton the Great himself on 23rd of April 1997. This was quite a painful experiance for Ian as he only has a small nose and Sloughton is quite a big lad.

This was the first of many great achievements for Mr Klaneshnikov who after he recieved the Limp Cross became the most famous nasal parasite in Southern Andorra. Mr K became so famous that on occasions Ian found it hard to breathe because of the amount of other nasal parasites and small fleas who wanted to get a glimpse of this small creature who smelt faintly of P.O (Parasite Odour).This involved the other parasites queing up around Ians mouth and slowly crawling up his lip and into the nose. Mr K even became more famous than that lill Spainsh Flea from the Ukraine. The flea was famous for shouting "Hey Look Amigo" and then jumping off his horse and proceeding to do a strip tease to the anthem of the Third Reich. This was particularly pleasing to the secret Nazis living in the Ukraine because it reminded them of the time that Hitler did the same thing to the tune of Rule Britania sung by a mouse on laxatives.

by cod_squad, posted on Monday, 03. March 2003 @ 2026.08 gmt